Rumours about the GFW

[Importunate News Services] In view of Google’s reluctance to cooperate, GFW has decided to permanently ban Google. In the meantime, the Chinese government would inject 1 billion RMB in Baidu, on the condition that Baidu will upgrade the key words filtering technology for its search engine to meet the strictest international standard.

GFW and Baidu have also joined forces in launching a new “network inaccessible” plug-in. At a recent press conference, Baidu’s CEO Robin Li took the initiative to demonstrate the function of the new device. The innovation has received a warm welcome from the audience, who regard the device as a powerful and indispensable weapon, not only for maintaining social order, but also for winning the battle against bourgeois ideology. It is understood that all three major Chinese Internet portals had applied for the right to distribute this new plug-in device.

Let’s examine the “network inaccessible” plug-in in a bit more details:

· The plug-in will automatically start when a computer boots. The uninstall function has been permanently disabled;

· The software uses a real-name registration system to access the Internet. Each identity card number will only be allowed to sign up for one ID;

· News media will no longer be allowed to post anonymous comments;

· The “network inaccessible” plug-in will monitor every user’s every move 24 hours a day, 7 days a week. Once a sensitive phrase is entered, the computer screen will automatically be blackened out for 10 minutes as a penalty. Those who are found browsing pornographic or politically sensitive sites will automatically have their browsers uninstalled. Those who don’t wash their hands after they’ve been to the toilet will have their keyboards locked and their access denied (now that’s cool).

In addition, the “network inaccessible” plug-in will take advice from users to gradually improve its automatic hacking functionality against pornographic and reactionary sites, so that the majority of Internet users can experience how it is like to be a hacker.

[The events depicted above are fictitious. Any similarity to any person dead or alive is merely coincidental.]

Source: Tianya

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5 Responses to Rumours about the GFW

  1. johnsmith9876 says:

    Opportunity to create a competitor for Baidu without all these word filtering ?

  2. C.A. Yeung says:

    John Smith,

    This is just another example to prove that the 50 cents parties at Time China Blog are always correct about China no longer practising communism. It is “capitalism”, “a market economy” and “true competition” that China is embracing – with Chinese characteristic of course. That’s why we need new software and new plug-in device to make sure that there is fair competition in the industry of Internet censorship. Got it?

    On a more serious note, if you click the link to the original source at Tianya, you’ll notice that this spoof was actually written in 2005, before many of the CCP sanctioned Internet censorship mechansims are in place. That’s why the title originally reads “the prophecy (or fable) of GFW”. For some interesting reasons, this piece of writing has recently been resurrected and is getting another round of applause from the Twitterers. Many of the “prophecies”, such as the banning of Google, the building up of Baidu as a competitor for Google, the real name registration system and even that little plug-in device (the Green Dam Youth Escort software) have all manifested themselves. So either the author of this satirical spoof is very good at predicting the future, or he knows something that we don’t.

  3. Conscience says:

    The Time’s “China Blog” blocks me once again. I suspect they have been taken over by the CCP now. Hi! John Smith, are you OK? How can you still survive at there with your everyday nonsense?

    Yeung, are you serious? Is it the so-called “green dam” or “what-color dam”? I have ever proposed the CCP government to fix a “green dam” on every infant’s head as soon as they are born to protect their mind not to be eroded by “western liberalistic thought” and “capitalistic carrion lifestyle”.

  4. C.A. Yeung says:


    Welcome back. Are you sure you’ve been blocked at the Time China Blog? For some reasons, I need to retrieve your first 2 comments from the SPAM folder. It might be a problem with whatever tool you’re using for wall climbing.

    In any case, do stick around.

  5. Conscience says:

    Yeung, thanks for your comfort and encouragement. It’s not the first time “the China Blog” censored me. They didn’t obstruct all my comments, but leaving some meaningless words such as my questioning and complaining for their censoring behaviors, and preventing my real contents. When I re-posted my texts, I were notified a message pointing out the repeated posting, showing they had received them. A few comments had ever been delayed to display later. Now you can see what floods “the China Blog”‘s comment part. Is that what they want to see?

    Now I can’t help to suspect what has been done by those who have been longing for cooperation with the CCP regime therefore opening China’s market. You must have heard the stories about the IT giants Yahoo, Google and Microsoft. Yahoo cooperated with the CCP secret police to detain several dissidents by offering their online registered profiles; Google’s Chinese version censors most “sensitive” words; A recent report exposed the Microsoft’s search engine “Bing” carried out much stricter censorship for Chinese netizens. For more details, see this:

    And I have ever experienced the embarrassment of “BBC’s James Reynolds’ China”, and I have heard what happened in the Chinese department of “the Deutsche Welle(the voice of Germany )”, etc. Who should we trust now? The poor Chinese people may only be saved by themselves.

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