Ivan’s tattoo

Our friend Ivan tells us that his fiancee, Hypatia de la Pink, has given him a gift certificate for Christmas, to go to “Ahab’s Tattoo Parlor” and get a tattoo.   This offer will remain valid throughout the 12 days of Christmas, until January 6, 2009, the feast of Epiphany in Ivan’s barbarian Catholic Church which so savagely refuses to acknowledge sodomy as a sacrament.

Ivan has suggested a few ideas for his tattoo.    Upon his suggestion, Catherine and I have begun a poll.    But our friends are all welcome to make other suggestions for Ivan’s tattoo.

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7 Responses to Ivan’s tattoo

  1. Ned Kelly says:

    I voted for a tattoo of Zhang Ziyi on my butt.

  2. Ned Kelly says:

    I mean, on Ivan’s butt.

  3. Ned Kelly says:

    Dear UnderTheJacaranda,

    I object and protest categorically against Ivan having a tattoo of me on his buttocks, unless he agrees to cast me in a leading role in his new movie, “Skinny chicken-legged sluts pretend to represent Russian Leninism in the PRC”.

    Sincerely yours,
    An Obvious Impersonation of the skinny little chicken-legged whore with a face that real Chinese think resembles a cheap prostitute, Z. Ziyi. (NOT to be confused with Zhang Ziyi, or so Ivan’s lawyer says.)

  4. C.A. Yeung says:

    I’ve voted for ZZY because I know how much Ivan is obsessed with chicken legs.

    But on a second thought, I want to give Ivan a quick reminder:

    Mate, I know you think Hypatia is great. But whatever you do, don’t let her talk you into tattooing her name on any part of your body. Did you remember how you were almost arrested at Beijing airport 3 years ago because you had a huge tattoo on your right arm that said 我爱轮子 (literary translated as “I love the FLG”)? It’s understandable why airport security would not accept your explanation that 轮子 was in fact the name of your ex Japanese bodybuilder girlfriend. And I wouldn’t blame them for thinking that you’re being cheeky with them about your FLG connections.

  5. Ned Kelly says:

    What? WHAT the F—? Does Ivan know Chinese?

    I don’t. So now I’m becoming more suspicious about this “Ivan” character.

  6. justrecently says:

    I’d say the fate of Ivan’s butt is sealed. Four votes out of four for ZZY.

  7. Ned Kelly says:

    Country-Western song lyrics, circa 1980s:

    I want to kiss her, BUT (pause)
    She won’t let me;
    I want to whisper sweet nothings in her-rear,
    I wanna hold her behind (pause) closed doors and more;
    I wanna kiss her but,
    She won’t let me.

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