Beijing Journalist Zhang Ziyi: “Me Love You Long Time!”

Zhang Ziyi as a Call Girl in 2046Sometimes the drones at Beijing’s Central Propaganda Department are so good at self-parody that I almost wonder if it’s intentional, because even a master satirist couldn’t make up some of this stuff.  But as having no sense of humour is their principal job requirement, Occam’s Razor says the best explanation for what they do is “fathomless stupidity.”  And its fathomlessness would pose yet another philosophical puzzle beyond the capacities of Occam or Abelard to solve.

The “face” (multiple entendre intended, and not all above the waist) of Chinese journalism at the torch lighting ceremony in Athens was the Beijing born actress/object-of-worldwide-salacious-google-image-searches, Zhang Ziyi, one of whose most recent (and one might speculate, most appropriate) movie roles was as a prostitute.    

The Communist Party rag, People’s Daily, writes:

 

Invited by the Greek Olympic Committee, the Beijing-born actress will attend the torch lighting ceremony for the Beijing Olympics in Athens… Zhang also will work as one of the journalists of the 2008 Games’ official website.

 

But wait, there’s more!  “Chinese Hollywood actress Zhang Ziyi was accused of lip-synching during the annual Spring Festival evening gala broadcast live on Wednesday night.”  

Oh please, Zhang Ziyi, say it isn’t so!  (Or could you at least lip-sync that it isn’t so?)  As Beijing’s own “journalist”, you wouldn’t want us to think anyone puts words in your mouth!  (Cue a million sudden google image searches for “things placed in Zhang Ziyi’s mouth”.)

But she deftly wire-danced her way out of that challenge to her integrity, saying:

 

Fairy Scattering Flowers (the song she performed at the CCTV gala event) symbolizes happiness and auspiciousness. 2008 is especially important for Beijing and China and each of us. I wish spring would come earlier so that the snow in disaster areas would melt soon…

 

…meaning, inter alia, that she’s either mentally defective or else has never seen what kind of destruction happens during a premature thaw.  Snow isn’t a disaster until it melts or joins an avalanche.   

But at least she has shown us her good intentions, her correct thoughts, her LOVE!  Beijing journalist say, “Me so horny!   Me love you LONG time!”  Like this vignette from “Full Metal Jacket” – and my only reservation concerning equating Zhang Ziyi with the Vietnamese prostitute in this clip is that Vietnam has been struggling to be, or to remain, independent from China for around a thousand years, and I fear Vietnam might need to do so again very soon – but at least in this post’s context, I’m imagining the prostitute is from Beijing:

 

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9 Responses to Beijing Journalist Zhang Ziyi: “Me Love You Long Time!”

  1. C.A. Yeung says:

    Ned,

    A Chinese friend of mine told me that Zhang Ziyi is not as popular among Chinese audiences as she appears to be among westerners. Her Chinese critics describe her as a “gold-digger”. Gossip says that she has lobbied very hard for this Olympic opportunity and she hopes that her association with the “Patriotic Games” will help her win back some of her disenfranchised domestic audiences.

    However, I do think that she has grossly under-estimated the support that the Tibetans have in the international community. While she may have gained some publicity at home for her role as an “Olympics reporter”, she may face the prospect of a Hollywood boycott. Shame on her.

    Other boycotts from Hollywood (such as Spielberg’s) are just the tip of the iceberg, now that the Czech Republic AND POLAND (two major members of the EU) have declared that they will boycott the opening ceremonies of the Olympics!

  2. Ned Kelly says:

    As a heterosexual man, all I can say about Zhang Ziyi’s LOOKS is that she’d be worth around 25 dollars the last time I was in Manhattan in the early 1990s.

    Accounting for inflation, a body like hers, in Manhattan, MIGHT sell for around 50 to 100 dollars today (for around fifteen minutes), but that estimation does NOT include any accounting for the collapse of the American dollar during this time of the burst of the real-estate bubble.

    But then, of course, any militantly homosexual Western-expat-in-China-bloggers out there would never even begin to think about any of these things. As far as the “Homintern” (militantly anti-religious homosesxuals) of the Chinese blogosphere is concerned, there are NO moral concerns about China, as long as China continues to be an “economic miracle”, “shaking the world”, a new world in which heterosexual males will become even more marginalised, while China continues to “shake the world” in materialistic, sexually ambivalent, and amoral ways.

    And yes, there is a close connection between the “cult of death” beliefs and desires of many Western expats-in-China – perhaps especially the “Homintern” among them – and the PRC’s rapdily growing industries of turning Human Beings into commodities just like the Nazis did. But that is another story, which we are still preparing to write about. Watch this space, for the next few months, for more details about the connection between the Western “Homintern” expats in China, and China’s “cult of death” in which Human bodies are treated like mere commodities….

  3. Adriana says:

    Ah, the lady would seem to have a bright future in Fox News, in their “sluts R’ us” news division.

  4. Ned Kelly says:

    Adriana,

    Rupert Murdoch might hire her, but he’s already married to another slutty-looking PRC princess. As soon as he took over the Wall Street Journal, its editorial policy on China began to look like talking points from ZhongNanHai.

    And I ought to clarify what I said about the price of whores in Manhattan. That’s probably the wrong standard to use. In Beijing, a whore of Zhang Ziyi’s quality would sell for around 100 Yuan, or 13 American dollars. But in Sydney, more like ten dollars, at least now that Rupert Murdoch has departed from our fair land.

  5. Zhang ZiYi as China’s “star” says a lot about the country’s entire “hype over substance” existence.

    And she hasn’t even got a good set of boobs or booty.

  6. Ned Kelly says:

    Nanhe, repeat after me: “It is undeniable that Zhang Ziyi is shaking the world.”

  7. ferin says:

    hahahaha

  8. C.A. Yeung says:

    Ferin, is that you? Welcome!

    A little bird told me about your obsession with Zhang Ziyi. Please try to restrain your language while you are at my place. Otherwise Ned and I will have no choice but to stop serving you drinks.

  9. Pingback: The World’s ‘ottest Fan Page « Justrecently’s Weblog

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