Sometimes the drones at Beijing’s Central Propaganda Department are so good at self-parody that I almost wonder if it’s intentional, because even a master satirist couldn’t make up some of this stuff. But as having no sense of humour is their principal job requirement, Occam’s Razor says the best explanation for what they do is “fathomless stupidity.” And its fathomlessness would pose yet another philosophical puzzle beyond the capacities of Occam or Abelard to solve.
The “face” (multiple entendre intended, and not all above the waist) of Chinese journalism at the torch lighting ceremony in Athens was the Beijing born actress/object-of-worldwide-salacious-google-image-searches, Zhang Ziyi, one of whose most recent (and one might speculate, most appropriate) movie roles was as a prostitute.
The Communist Party rag, People’s Daily, writes:
Invited by the Greek Olympic Committee, the Beijing-born actress will attend the torch lighting ceremony for the Beijing Olympics in Athens… Zhang also will work as one of the journalists of the 2008 Games’ official website.
But wait, there’s more! “Chinese Hollywood actress Zhang Ziyi was accused of lip-synching during the annual Spring Festival evening gala broadcast live on Wednesday night.”
Oh please, Zhang Ziyi, say it isn’t so! (Or could you at least lip-sync that it isn’t so?) As Beijing’s own “journalist”, you wouldn’t want us to think anyone puts words in your mouth! (Cue a million sudden google image searches for “things placed in Zhang Ziyi’s mouth”.)
But she deftly wire-danced her way out of that challenge to her integrity, saying:
Fairy Scattering Flowers (the song she performed at the CCTV gala event) symbolizes happiness and auspiciousness. 2008 is especially important for Beijing and China and each of us. I wish spring would come earlier so that the snow in disaster areas would melt soon…
…meaning, inter alia, that she’s either mentally defective or else has never seen what kind of destruction happens during a premature thaw. Snow isn’t a disaster until it melts or joins an avalanche.
But at least she has shown us her good intentions, her correct thoughts, her LOVE! Beijing journalist say, “Me so horny! Me love you LONG time!” Like this vignette from “Full Metal Jacket” – and my only reservation concerning equating Zhang Ziyi with the Vietnamese prostitute in this clip is that Vietnam has been struggling to be, or to remain, independent from China for around a thousand years, and I fear Vietnam might need to do so again very soon – but at least in this post’s context, I’m imagining the prostitute is from Beijing: