Tom’s ass

This is an experiment.    We have continued to receive an inordinate amount of traffic from people who google the word, “ass”.

So we began to wonder what would happen if we put up a post with a generic name in front of “ass”.    A common name, like “Tom”.

So now let’s see how much traffic we get for a post titled, “Tom’s Ass”.   We’ll report back on the results in another day or so.

Update:   We’re going to see how much more traffic this post gets when we add the name “Zhang Ziyi”.

Why Mankind Is Doomed

The human race is destined for extinction very soon because of Darwin’s law of natural selection. As evidence of this, we submit the fact that for the past several days, the number one google search term leading to our blog has been the single word, “ass”, invariably leading readers to our post titled, “Zhang Ziyi has no ass”.

Therefore wonder no more, why planet Earth is in such a catastrophic condition today.

Chinese netizens are more interested in Zhang ZiYi than in Hillary Clinton

Our recent traffic on this post about Zhang ZiYi’s ass, has been a lot more than our post about Hillary Clinton offending China.

So there ya go.  Chinese netizens are more interested in Zhang ZiYi’s ass than they are in how the American Secretary of State has insulted China.

Therefore, it seems to me and Catherine, that  China will become as stupid as America, very soon.

Ivan’s CCP Speech Generator

Our friend Ivan has sent us the following formula, for all Anglophone expats in the PRC (mainland “Communist” China) to use, to sell to the CCP (Chinese Communist Party.)

It’s a formula for a CCP speech, at any and all ranks of the CCP, central and local.

Take any noun, and then use that noun alongside the following words, in any ways you can think of:

1. Development
2. Correct
3. Scientific
4. facts
5. gratuitous and superfluous mention of Marx/Lenin/Mao/Jiang Zemin-”thought”
6. “with determination”
7. harmonious
8. “in an all-around way”

Ivan offers, for example:

Zhang Ziyi, is

1. developing, her
2. correct and
3. scientific,  way of publicising,
4. The FACT that she is a sl^t…
5. …in accord with Marxist-Leninist-Mao-thought which have absolutely no morals whatsoever,
6. Zhang Ziyi seems, in our opinion, to be DETERMINED to be a sl^t, according to all available evidence – and this applies equally to the Chinese Communist Party,
7. It will create more harmony in the World if the rest of the world acknowledges and understands that the Chinese Communist Party is a Party of Wh@res, and,
8. This is true in an “all-around way”.

Zhang Ziyi’s Ass and Chinese Netizens’ Mouths

Has anyone noticed that the anti-vulgarity campaign actually started with Zhang Ziyi’s ass? We thought we’d seen it all: Zhang Ziyi’s ass in the settings of serious art movies, on the cover of trendy magazines, on the laps of sleazy boy friends … and the list goes on and on … Even Ivan wants to have a tattoo of Zhang Ziyi’s ass on his ass. No one in his wildest dream would foresee Zhang Ziyi’s ass finally being placed as a gag on Chinese netizens’ months. What did you just say about Zhang Ziyi’s new role in the CCP Propaganda Publicity Department?

Chinese blogger Yuci says it all.

Zhang ZiYi IS COMMUNISM!

During the past year and a half of our Blog’s “Under the Jacaranda Tree’s” existence, the largest number of hits we have had, have been from googlers of the Communist Party Princess, Zhang Ziyi!

And the MOST traffic that our blog has ever received, has been on a post which our friend Ivan wrote, titled, “Zhang Ziyi Has No Ass!”

Therefore, Catherine and I have deduced that the Communist Party Princess, Zhang ZiYi, PERSONIFIES the Chinese Communist Party in these times, because she is willing to be whatever the free market wants her to be!   Just like all of the most successful prostitutes throughout all history.

And so, Catherine and I say that ZHANG ZiYi’s ASS, IS the face of the Chinese Communist Party!

This is another tribute to Zhang Ziyi and her ass

Zhang ZiYi has no ass

Ivan has sent us this haiku:

Climb, blue-eyed geisha.

Zhang ZiYi on Mount Fuji,

(Gasp!)   You have no ass!

Ivan’s tattoo

Our friend Ivan tells us that his fiancee, Hypatia de la Pink, has given him a gift certificate for Christmas, to go to “Ahab’s Tattoo Parlor” and get a tattoo.   This offer will remain valid throughout the 12 days of Christmas, until January 6, 2009, the feast of Epiphany in Ivan’s barbarian Catholic Church which so savagely refuses to acknowledge sodomy as a sacrament.

Ivan has suggested a few ideas for his tattoo.    Upon his suggestion, Catherine and I have begun a poll.    But our friends are all welcome to make other suggestions for Ivan’s tattoo.

Zhang Ziyi and Colonel Sanders

Did you ever wonder why Zhang Ziyi and Colonel Sanders have never been photographed together?

Or why she has never been seen anywhere near a KFC?

This should make it all clear.    Compare this:

and this:

“Zhang Ziyi” + “whore” = blog traffic

We find it amusing that almost every day, our blog receives a number of visits from google searches of the terms “Zhang Ziyi” + “whore”, and/or “Zhang Ziyi” + “slut”.

I guess that means she’s not totally useless after all.