Ivan’s Bunker

As some of our regular readers might have noticed, recently our friend Ivan has been emailing us a lot from his bunker somewhere in the wilderness of Idaho, USA.

And in consideration of how Ivan has always been a good friend to us, we have decided to give Ivan his own page on our blog.  Because, our reasoning is, “Well, if we can give a page to Nanhe then why shouldn’t we give Ivan a page, too?”

Therefore, we – Catherine and Ned – humbly wish to FORMALLY introduce all of our readers to our friend, Ivan, another exile from the Greater-English-China-Blogosphere, whom we have given political asylum as a permanent resident on our blog.

So now here are a few personal details about Ivan – and some of you know some of these facts, but now we will tell you more facts about Ivan, which have never been published on the internet until now:

1.    Ivan is a member of America’s Democratic Party, and he campaigned for Obama because, in Ivan’s words, “Obama smokes tobacco.  The last openly declared smoker in the White House was FDR, and therefore, in Obama I see a potential for America to return to America’s libertarian roots.”

2.    Ivan has recently converted to the vodka-drinking sect of Mormonism.

3.    His fiancée, an “exotic dancer” named Hypatia de la Pink, is back in prison now and awaiting a decision of the parole board; meanwhile, Ivan consoles himself with pictures of Zhang Ziyi.

4.    Ivan is a deadly accurate marksman (just like Ned Kelly), and with his several antique pistols he practices his marksmanship on his own hand-drawn cartoons of Hitler, and Osama Bin Laden, and Voltaire.  Ivan has an especially deep and dark hatred for Voltaire, second only to Ivan’s hatred for Bullwinkle who kept the Cold War going beyond reason.

4.a   The “Russian” Bullwinkle character, “Boris Badenov” (see above),  now lives in the basement of Ivan’s bunker.  Boris Badenov’s friends in Kazakhstan are Ivan’s main source of contraband vodka.

5.    Ivan has no prejudices.  Just like Sergeant Hartman in “Full Metal Jacket”, Ivan considers ALL people of ALL races, nationalities and sexual inclinations, to be “EQUALLY worthless!”

Please click HERE to enter Ivan’s Bunker