YANG RAY: Good ev-uh-ning. Welcome to CCCTV’s (Culled Chinese Communists’ TV) weekly program, “Epilogue”, where the frustrated fag-ends among the elite Communist Party Princelings clip our coupons while we practice our English with our equally frustrated peers among the Anglophone Foreigners whom failed CCP Princelings like me hate all the more because I’d rather be on the fast track to the Politburo, but here I am, stuck doing this ludicrous TV show on CCCTV’s international channel (CCCTV-99), interviewing Foreigners who make more money than I. They have hair on their arms, you know, and that proves that they are less evolved than the children of the Yellow Emperor. And they smell bad. But still I have to interview them on this TV program, and I have to pretend to listen to them, at least in the clips that aren’t censored. But I didn’t have to do this. I could have been a writer, or a film-maker. I ought to be banging Zhang Ziyi on my casting couch right now. (Well, yes, she’s not a great beauty and she has legs like a chicken, but at least she has guanxi, and I have more guanxi than she has, and I wouldn’t mind shagging her for more guanxi “in an all around way” as the CCP say.) But no, no, my father owed a favour to Li Bang-Bang’s father at Big-Da University. So now here I am, marking time in my sinecure, interviewing smelly Foreigners. My only consolation is that they’re all grateful to have an audience with me, just like the smelly Foreigners from (X parts of Asia) in olden days, used to be grateful just to be invited to Beijing. I only wish more White Foreigners would be as grateful as the ones I interview are. Like my guest today, an American “China Hand”, an American journalist-blogger-lawyer, Mr Philip Ricardo Harrison White Monkey! Mr Harrison, welcome to Epilogue! Read the rest of this entry »
